Grateful for the patriarchy ;-)


My urdu teacher this week when one of the guys was slow at reading: “When I was teaching Arabic in Bonn, the boys used to sit in the front row and I would pinch them when they didn’t know the answer. I couldn’t do that with the girls obviously. But then the girls started to feel sorry for them.”

Patriarchy = a system in which men and boys suffer violence but girls and women are excempt

Video about Misandry in Pakistan

I made this website two years ago, after visiting my friend from study abroad in the UK in her home country, Pakistan, with the aim of dispelling stereotypes and prejudices about this South Asian country. When I told people in the UK and Germany where I was travelling to I was told that it was too dangerous and that Pakistan was a country that was bad for women. When I came back I couldn’t say anything to counter the first claim as the safety situation is poor to say the least. The fear from terrorist attacks and communal and political violence determines how people live their every day lives. Add to that constant power outages and every day activities that people in Europe don’t think about twice become a challenge even for the part of the population who is lucky to not belong to the majority of the poor. That the international media tends to focus only on one half of the population has begun to increasingly bug me.

So it was very refreshing to see this video that Pakistani men and women have made recently:

misandry in pakistan misandry in pakistan3

misandry in pakistan2

On the same issues:

What shirtgate tells us about men’s desires and male power

All around the world people share two basic beliefs:

  1. A man’s greatest desire is to oppress a woman.
  2. Because men have historically written most texts and appeared more in the public sphere they are the ones who determine how life should be lived by all women and the remaining men who are not public speakers, writers, judges, etc. (Feminists call that ‘patriarchy hurts men too’)

So, a man has this desire to oppress women AND the power to enforce this oppression. Having lived among men and women for 31 years my impressions about what desires they both have are slightly different. But let’s look at #shirtgate and what Matt Taylor’s desires and actions were, apart from that insignificant thing with the comet. ;-)

For his big day he wore a shirt that his female friend made to promote women empowerment. Mh, interesting way of oppressing a woman by wearing the shirt that she made and transporting her message out into the wider world. His actions look more like he likes women and wants to please them. When another woman complains that his shirt is bad for women empowerment (how is head not buzzing with confusion at this point? Mine certainly is!) he breaks down in tears and apologizes. His strong desire to make women happy and do anything to please them should be clear to anyone right now.

Further, it should be clear to anyone what has been clear to women who are honest all their lives. There are some vocal women who have a keen interest in pushing their own way of life onto other women and making them belief that this is how a woman has to be and it is the only way. I was quite confused as a teenager when I opened women’s magazines and were told on every other page that this and only this is the right way of being a woman. Ever since them I have avoided them like the pest. But in recent years women’s issues have been creeping into the mainstream media in such a dominant way that you cannot open any publication anymore without being told how you should live your life as a woman. I am getting sick and tired of being made to feel that I have not succeeded in my life because I am not in a STEM field. Apparently women empowerment is not about women doing what they are interested in and being successful in realizing their personal dreams. No, they have to realize the dreams of some outspoken Feminists. Become engineers, computer programmers or politicians even though most women have no interest in going into these fields. They claim that women aren’t encouraged enough in their childhood to go into these fields. As a child I have probably seen more trains and have been their explained their inner workings than most kids, but ironically I observed that they worked just fine whereas I observed very odd behavior in adults. That’s why I developed in interest in learning about different behavior in humans, in order to understand why they acted so strangely. I still ask myself why? when I see strange societal phenomena. When I see men sit cross legged on the subway I ask myself why? Because they are anatomically different to women. When I see Feminists starting a media campaign about men sitting cross legged on the subway, I ask myself: why do they not know that men and women are anatomically different? Why do they at other times pretend that anatomic differences mean that men are indestructible and instruct social services to look for the fault in the husband whenever there is a family conflict even though women in relationships are just as violent as men? Maybe, just maybe, if Feminists didn’t make people behave so strangely girls would not want to explore the world or human behaviour and study literature and culture but will want to find out out how to make faster and more climate friendly trains. :)

I ventured slightly off topic in trying to show how it’s women and not men, as is usually claimed, who like to define how women should live. Tomorrow in my seminar on “Islam, Gender and Democracy: Comparative Aspects between the Arab World and India” we might again talk about how certain Hadiths and Sunnahs were interpretated in such a way as to very clearly define the roles of women. Apparently that was done by men to control women. Ironically I have in 31 years not come across men who had a strong opinion on what I should be like as a woman. (Except for male Feminists) I have though personally come across such women who claimed: “This is what women do.” (I never do such things) or “This is how women live” (I never intend to live this way) and been bombarded with media reports on what women should be like. While I am not conservative, I found this article that I came across today very interesting. It talks about how the majority of women in the UK feel like they have to live the life that a minority of vocal women have defined as the ideal life of a woman. Needless to say that they are finding it less than ideal.

With everything that is going on around me I find it very hard to believe that in the past women had no opinion of their own and men had a strong desire to define their lives. Very hard indeed to believe that there were no women involved in convincing men to interpret certain hadiths in such a way that they would present they lifestyle of this particular woman as the ideal one. No one could fault them. In the past societies had to be very homogeneous. It’s completely understandable that women would push for their life style to be declared universal so that they would not have to fear being asked to live differently. Live and let live! :) And stop holding men responsible for women’s decisions.

Who is the slave to whom?

Rejecting women is a crime in a world where men rule

So they say we live in a patriarchy, in plain English = fathers/men rule. In some countries they are said to do that to a lesser in others to a greater extent. I don’t need to go through the whole list of the 76 countries in which it is considered a crime to reject a relationship with a woman in favor of a man to know that these are countries which are considered strongly ‘patriarchal’. Apparently the men make the rules. And so men have made this rule that a man who prefers to be with another men instead of a woman should not only be a social outcast but live in fear of punishment. Accordingly men prefer every man around them to be wanting a relationship with a woman. We have all heard that men like competition. Thus it would make sense to have many rivals when trying to establish a relationship with the lady of his dreams. Considering that DNA analysis has recently found out that humanity’s ancestors were 67% female and 33% male (Baumeister, Roy F.) the odds for winning her heart or any woman’s heart seem already quite heavily stacked against the guy. Would reducing his competition not have been a relief for him and if he was the one making the rules shouldn’t he have encouraged male homosexuality? The vast majority of women during human history found a partner and had children, the vast majority of men did not. Would it thus not make sense that men would be more than happy to see some men leave the party with each other and thus increase their chances of getting the lady exponentially?

While you ponder the question look at the situation from the women’s point of view. When it wasn’t all about butterflies in your tummy and the state wouldn’t support you if you were in need women had to find a man who would stick around to support them and their children. So they were looking for the best quality male. As DNA has shown women did not face such high competition from other women as men did from other men. So, not such high motivation for social exclusion and punishment for women who preferred to pair off with other women instead of other men. Lesbians have been sometimes more sometimes less stigmatized during history but no death penalty ever. But obviously the last thing women needed was a shrunken pool of men to chose from. When we want to buy something good from the market we go in the morning when we still have huge choice and not when the tables are almost empty. Women had a great motivation to keep men from pairing off with each other. Men had no motivation to prevent the shrinking of the number of their rivals. The rules with regard to homosexuality were / are tailored around the woman’s needs.

And yet we keep saying that homophobia originates with straight men. According to Feminists straight men have an aversion to gay men because of their femininity, because men in general reject the feminine. The latter might come as a surprise to any straight man who tends to be quite fond of the feminine and has during the course of history risked everything to win a woman’s heart. The point of femininity in gay men is also quite odd as most gay men do not correspond to the stereotype. They look and behave pretty much like all men. They only prefer male over female partners. Otherwise they are as male as everyone else. When the death penalty was introduced for homosexuality in Uganda I saw quite a number of Ugandan women comment that if men were allowed to have a relationship with each other there would not be enough men left for women. That seemed quite an odd thought to me. While I am good friends with gay men, the idea of having a romantic relationship with a man does not desire me physically seemed quite absurd to me. A relationship/marriage is after all different from a friendship. But putting high value on a close emotional bond with your partner is a luxury that women in the past and in many countries still today cannot afford. Without paid paternity leave and health insurance a woman needs a man who will protect her and provide for her and their children. Whether he seems particularly cheerful when her brother is around is of no concern to her as long as long as looks aren’t followed by moves.

Keep telling me about patriarchy and how men rules when the rules are cut out to suit women’s needs!

Let’s talk about street harassment


That is one excellent article by Janet Bloomfield on the sexist and racist hollaback video! Contains basically everything that I have wanted to say for the past few weeks but didn’t find time to. She even includes her experience of visiting Germany :) where she very aptly observed that no one talks to anyone here. That’s what Germans go to the US for. Not seriously, but during my studies of English and American Literature and Culture I shared one experience with my fellow students and even lecturers: coming back from the US where people are soooooo friendly and having a culture shock because in Germany people on the streets pretend that other people do not exist. So, I found it very weird when the BBC was reporting on that Hollaback video, claiming that this is what women experience in major cities around the world. Absolute BS!
I added to her list of countries this one:
“Also, I would like to add to the list of countries that you have given: Pakistan, where I traveled for 6 weeks, two years ago. I wasn’t out and about that much as I was with my friend from there, stayed with her family and was never far from a car for security precautions as the current threat from terrorism is felt quite severely there. However, I did have interactions with men and those were 100% respectful and polite. Even on the crowded Sunday Bazaar nobody approached me in any way. Guys didn’t stare at me either. They looked just as many women did and were genuinely happy to see a tourist in their country that is feared around the world these days.”

Originally posted on judgybitch:

By now, I am sure you have seen this video of a prissy white woman walking the “streets” of New York for 10 hours and being subjected to “harassment”. Those words are in quotations because it turns out that the majority of the people saying hello and other inanities took place on one street in Harlem. Princess has rightly been called out for racism and hysteria, forcing Hollaback to issue an apology. “Gee we had no idea targeting men of color would make us look racist”. Oh whatever. Nice backpedal there, assholes.

I’ve written about street harassment before, specifically from the racism angle but today I want to talk about something bigger than just the racial element, although that’s still a big part of it. What the Hollaback video, and indeed the entire organization and all that is represents does is contribute to a climate of fear…

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Living up to expectations

It took me exactly 5 minutes to find an article in my facebook newsfeed that portrayed masculinity as something negative. This has become so pervasive these days that people don’t even notice it. But once you start paying attention you quickly understand why Norah Vincent gave up her experiment of masquerading as a man prematurely. It must be damn tough to be exposed to this negativity surrounding your most basic identity all the time.


At the same time I wonder how stupid people actually are. They are bombarding men 24/7 with the message that masculinity is something abhorrent and then they are surprised that men take ever lesser interest in fulfilling their masculine duties. Striving for greatness, perseverance, keeping your word, being faithful, being reliable and providing for the people who depend on you were once cherished masculine traits. In the past 50 years they have come to be ridiculed as despicable ‘male ego’. Little boys in kindergarten and primary school are told that being male is something negative and that only the girls way of being is the good way. And then people wonder why and increasing number of men abandon their longtime girlfriends with their newborns. This seemed most unnatural to me when I heard about it the first time. And just today I read a paragraph in Roy F. Baumeister’s “Is There Anything Good About Men – How Cultures Flourish By Exploiting Men” that this is a new phenomenon that is on the rise. Coincidentally I received a call from a friend – to whom just that has happened  – a few hours later, who was told by her gynecologist that these days more and more men are abandoning their partners and their newborns. It’s always nice when book knowledge is immediately confirmed by practitioners. So these are the ‘new men’ that Feminism promised us? Men who are no longer able to take pride in taking responsibility but act like scared mice when they see a daunting task ahead such as raising a family? Thunk you very much gender ideologues for pushing it down men’s throat for decades that they are worthless and not needed in this world. One doesn’t need a degree in psychology to know that praise and encouragement makes people strive to be the best that they can be and that constant putting down makes a person’s confidence falter and run from responsibility. That is why I support the men’s human rights movement. Because it does what it says on the label. It treats men and women as human beings deserving of kindness and respect because they are humans and because treating people well will lead them to treat others well. The idea what one group of people (women) will have better lives if another group of people (men) is constantly put down and their achievements minimised is ludicrous to say the least. Gender ideologues have created a world in which women feel they have to shoulder all responsibilities, that were once shouldered by a whole family alone, while men feel no longer able to do any of he things that once came naturally to them. It’s a loss-loss situation. And I am very angry at that. Angry that a little girl will have to grow up without a father and angry that people who try to draw attention to these issues get harassed and called any sort of nasty name while gender ideologues are working towards making this situation worse by the day. I am grateful to Paul Elam that he has decided to act as a punching ball to see these people, to accept that his name is dragged through the dirt just to get people finally to listen and hopefully bring about a change – for a more peaceful world.

Male Expendability

Been wanting to wtite about male disposability, as Warren Farrell calls it, for a long time. A fascinating subject that I observed all my life but never heard mentioned in the media. As I have started reading my way through the men’s issues literature I am finding myself constantly amazed at this wealth of knowledge that is somehow not in the public’s consciousness but absolute common sense to people whenever they here about it. Underneath I will share some excerpts from Roy F.Baumeister’s book “Is There Anything Good About Men? – How Cultures Flourish by Exploiting Men”








My library Sandwiches

Scrolling through my twitter this morning I came across a hate page about myself. It was the usual slurs. Nothing to get excited about. Only one person wanted to give me the kind advice to make some sandwiches. I thought that was awfully nice since outside food is quite expensive. However, at this point my sandwiches were already done and I was ready to dash off to the library. Apparently these people aren’t aware that being savvy with money is an inherent part of anti-Feminism. After all I have to answer to myself if at the end of the money there is still too much month left. For me there is no patriarchy that I can blame for making take away food expensive or for paying me as a part time translator less than a full time consultant. Anti-Feminism is about being fully accountable for all your actions and decisions and dealing with the consequences like an adult instead of whining that the guy in front of you bought the last chocolate ice cream that you needed so badly. Have a good day everyone and don’t forget your sandwiches when you leave the house. :)IMG_20140925_100406

An Open Letter to Emma Watson


Excellent article on the #heforshe campaign that should have really been a #sheforhe campaign. My fingers were itching all day to write something similar but as I am held up with the critical last exam for my degree I will take the liberty to reblog this.

I’ll add a link to Rachel Edwards letter to Emma Watson. She criticises the campaign of the upper class starlet from the point of view of a common American woman.

Originally posted on Men's Psychology:

Dear Ms Watson,

I read with interest your formal invitation for men to join the effort for gender equality. I agree that we need full gender equality, and that this is important to men because, as you say, “I’ve seen my father’s role as a parent being valued less by society despite my needing his presence as a child as much as my mother’s. I’ve seen young men suffering from mental illness unable to ask for help for fear it would make them look less ‘macho’ — in fact in the UK suicide is the biggest killer of men between 20-49”.

And I agree with you that gender equality will go unrealized so long as only half of humanity is “invited or feel[s] welcome to participate in the conversation”.

I wish I could accept your invitation as presented, but rather than the sentiment “HeForShe”, I will only…

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